myriad.

post fg.

note one:
absence makes the heart grow fonder?
heart, you stoopid.
ugh.

note two:
you're charming
and you dont know it
and you don't mean to be
more ugh.

note three: humbled.
though more observer
than contributor
it dawned on me..
my own pride keeps me in isolation.
i posed a concern
and immediately regretted..in fear
that my ignorance and naivety would be exposed..
and i'd again feel small.
but perhaps..just maybe..
i should be exposed..
in order to learn..
in order to be corrected..
and grow.
but..that stuff hurts.

its the weirdest dichotomy of the heart..
im the "big sister"
always have been...always will be
i must offer.
but..that gets tiring
and confusing
and frustrating..
and i so long to be the baby..
the fed one..the attended to..
sometimes..
but with that, i suppose
comes not knowing
and saying stupid things
and exposing just how much i don't know
and not having it all together
and messing it all up
and getting it all wrong
for me a lot of this is an inward battle..
i take what im given...be it sermon, the Word, meet-up convo
and stir it around in my head...
input computes and output proceeds
but perhaps, im not the scum of the earth
if my head needs some help grasping.
but...i don't know how..
but...i do know that "they don't understand.."
"they don't care.."
"i can't relate.."
won't suffice if the opportunity is never given.

bottoms up.
here's to the plunge.