His bride.

we're a lot like the awkward shaped puzzle pieces..
not everything aligns
and sometimes we don't fit..
many time forgotten or misunderstood..
things are...different here for us..
that we've grown to understand..
but that's part of what binds us..

in the same respect...i sense..
or at least hope
that underneath the criticism..
and discontent..
there's a deep love..
a deep gratitude..
for this community..

nothing here's perfect...
nothing here can be..
but even in this flavor of brokenness
its beautiful to find
that the Father, the Head, the Helper..
see it all and still love her...
and for that reason...we, i, too
will love her..

tonight i felt like we were in a relationship..
the church and i..
and twas weird...but..
no no still feels weird..to confess
that i was hurt by her..
and sometimes she made me feel unwanted..
unheard..
like an outcast in my own home..
but yet..
i wouldn't trade her for the world..
she is God's great gift to me..
providence in the sweetest form..
ive been so blessed..
and i am so grateful..
i am..
and i do love her, the church..
of this i am convinced..
even though it doesn't feel like it..sometimes
...but what relationship is perfect...here?

my heart threatens to rebuild walls..
well to be honest,
i dunno if they were ever really torn down..
maybe weakened..
but ah...the desire to strengthen..
disheartened at best...devastated at most..
not so much cautious treading..
with understanding...and grace..
more along the lines of ..
calloused retreat..
an entire upheaval of the idea of true trust..
true acceptance..
true love..
but maybe that's too much to ask in the first place...
but then what?..
this all may just be loneliness speaking.
meh.

i'll end this post here.