mid-musings

is this Your way of asking for all of me?
..but are You truly enough?

i don't know that my heart is so willing..
i suppose this is where the thankfulness come in..
thankfulness for...rules..parameters..

i know You're good.
i've expereienced it.
over and over..

i don't think i believe it..
or am i worrying
over trivialities..
i mean...i like what i like..

maybe i do rely..
maybe that's the problem..

one once said of a break-up
that its when you can't see life past current state..
when you can't see living any other way
is when you're doomed.

i don't know that i can see past.
maybe this is what this time is for..
40 days..
i can live without.
but...don't want to ..
but what ...who...do i value more?
are You enough?

i wonder what longing hides behind this..
what desire...what hole..
what futile attempt to fill it..
please...reveal...show me the way..
promise You'll hold my hand
and won't drop me when it gets sticky..
and when i don't want to look
and when i don't want to turn away..
please.. don't let me go..
i can see how im torn..

i trust that You love me.
...and that You know best.
i'll cling to that.