"all over the world
people just like us
calling Your name
living in Your love"

oh man this community

my heart is overflowing..
overjoyed

AH. thank You!

and how i await the day..
"when my faith shall be sight"..

when all things will be revealed
and my understanding deepened..

i have so much to ask You, Father..
i can't wait...

to live is Christ.

2 Corinth 4:16-17

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self[a] is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,"

this is Amazing Grace. 
again and again.

pt.2

oh God...this kingdom of Yours...
my heart is so overjoyed..
so full..
how can restoration...
true replenishment...
come from a place where your physical energy
is drained...day after day?

oh Your grace and love reaches far above where i can see or perceive.
i don't deserve such a glimpse..
but You gave and my heart is so glad..
so burdened...

and now the return..
soon the everyday will return..
the frustration..and the mundane..
but...my heart has been refreshed..
for hope to come from what's hopeless..
is by Your doing alone, oh Lord.
by Your infinite grace.

so faithful...i will be..
serve...i will..
pray...i will..
for You...through You..

she said "i can't wait to see how God is going to move,"
when i saw an end...
expectation of a new wave of God's power and love for His people...
oh God, You are good.

i must return...
"the same God that she experiences in OTR is the same God she can freely experience at home"

so grateful.

otr pt 2.

no other name,
Jesus, Jesus.

in a way i feel like im being crushed.
like the burden is too much..
so im giving in..and..well
i dont know that its much better...

funny how the burden still feels the same.

but.
the beatings were too many..
too many times..
why should i care?
i mean maybe you have to...because well..you know..
but me? i can leave. i can not care.
right?
but i suppose that You've called me to ssomething...more..

cast my burdens on You?
take on Your yolk?
i've heard that before..
sounds too easy..
it couldn't work..
it couldn't possibly be that easy.

well.
okay. i'll take Your word for it.
ha...i can already feel myself fighting to hold on
fighting to take the reigns..
to do it myself.

why are hearts so dumb?
i don't want to care so much
it hurts too much..
my heart..
oh Lord..
so heavy..

God i look to You..
i am overwhelmed...
give me vision...to see things like You do.
and wisdom...You know just what to do..

white flags er'where.
well...im trying anyways..

i remember reading somewhere 

something to the flavor of

...what if...all of our longings 

actually pointed to a higher longer..

like our longings for attention..love..sex..food..companionship..

what if all those longings were just echoes of our longing..

to be with the Father?

what if its a trail..

that leads home..

but instead of looking towards home..

im looking at the trail..

captivated by the trail..

enamored with the trail..

so i stop

and settle...for the trail..

like a postcard..

it reminds me of home..

brings some sense of comfort..

even makes me happy...

but its not the real deal.

only an echo..

pale in comparison..

so i wonder..

deeply hidden in these recent longings of mine..

what am i looking for?

attention? affirmation? comfort? rest?

oh...but to an echo i turn..

but..but..

those echos are there for reason too...right?

good morning starshine.
the earth says hello.

i am nervous.
did i do enough?

i had a dream that my car got stolen..
and that while i looked for it during break,
i missed half of the test..oi

let's start this off right..

its as if the weight of my depravity is sitting on my face.

can't move. can't breath. can't see.
and it hurts.

exhaust.

i don't like emotions so much.

sometimes..
most times..

i think its weird how sometimes i deceive myself
and then i think..
*cue the shattering*

...i don't like thinking too much either.

its makes emotions.

or.
OR.

maybe im just pms-ing.
im so overwhelmed.
so out of my league..
can't swim.

rollahcoastah

oh hoho the assholery
why such jerks
why you no see.

its almost hilarious.
ohhhhhh hohohohohoho the blatant, flagrant assholery

advent......ures

haha im so cool.

He called her "my daughter"
and i had to fight and sing back the tears.

"There is One found worthy
The Lion
Of the tribe of Judah
There is One found worthy
The Root
Of David

CHORUS
God, You became a man
You took on flesh
You’re so beautiful"

struggle-busin

hella hard.

like i seriously am not sure what's up with me..
im yearning for something..
but what exactly that something is has been so hard to decipher..

maybe i desire attention?
or maybe a romantic companion?

but where the hell did those desires come from?

whoawhoawhoa..
is this a distraction?
no deeper meaning?
just like something to keep me in a corner...
blind..
and exposed?

or...oorrrr
is this coming from some deep place..?
of longing and ....

what if its a combo?
mm...i like to escape.
maybe..

i dont like thinking.
ok ok ok ...soo
what now?
omg this didnt go anywhere.
pooeeyy

muddled

i feel like throwing things.
oh fickle heart.
just stop making noises would you?

mind. make it up.
sigh

i can't feel.
anything..

well i do...feel
but not good stuff..
not even longing

what the heck.

im going to attribute it to exhaustion.
and over analysis..

hm
i just got really anxious rethinking
about things..

oh
peace...
that's what im longing for.

Psalm 42:5-6a :
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
    and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
    my salvation^[c] 6 and my God.

....i don't even know..

its like i feel...dirty..

but...i...did nothing wrong?

but...i don't know..

AGH.

so mach deux.

shift again.

feelings.
must actually consider..
and deal.

weird..
instead of trying to consider everyone else's feelings
i think it might be most healthy..
to just consider my own
and act accordingly

oh man
this growing up thing
...is weird.

haha...i don't know how to act.
and now im a little confused.
time to take time?
methinksso.

heart flutters?
mm. not...quite..
not at all?
maybe?
maybe...not..?

dumbdumb
sigh.
i can bring this to You, too....right?

oh mr. sheeran, you're not helping.
but... ♥

so mach.

and the little girl had on her favorite red dress
she looked up at the Father, eyes wide and smiling
"Look what I can do!" she giggled
and she spun and spun
but..stop.
the Father wanted something else.
He beckoned for her to come,
to sit upon His lap.
so she came...
she looked up at the Father..
not sure of what to do..
"What next?" she asked.
"Just be with me, little one...
sit with me..
talk to me.."
....but...how do i do that?

shift.
and with the face of an orphan
body and shame of a prostitute
dirty..blackened
she stands...before the cross
"i..messed up..... again.."
so much shame
"...i can't promise that it won't happen again..."
like a flood
cleansing...His blood
like a river..
all clean..
He paid it all.
it was paid.
still paid.
freedom and joy.

thankful.