why would You want me?
im dirty and wretched
and forgetful and ungrateful..
my righteous like dirty rags..
why would You want...me?

why would You place me in this family?
why would You place me in this position?
im unqualified and irresponsible
im impatient and good at faking..
why....me?

why would You..keep coming after me?
waiting...but not idling..
constantly moving and touching me..
until i return..broken and bleeding..
dirty and worthless...
sorrowful and pitiful..
raw...and open..

and You restore me..
and heal my wounds..
and bandage me with Your grace
You hold me close so i can listen to Your voice..
so i can hear Your heartbeat..

i honestly take this salvation..so very lightly...i forget that He chose me...that i didnt do this myself...that im so unworthy..so wretchedly unworthy..its like Paul said..i'm the worst of sinners...the worst..but He still wants me...by some crazy unimaginable grace...
and by that same crazy, unimaginable grace...He uses me..He uses....me.
honestly...i fail at everything...at life...but in Him..through Him...i know that's ok..its not my ability that He wants in the first place...

and because He loves me so...He keeps breaking me down..
its hurts...it really does..but it's painful to die isnt it?
but at the same time there's sooo much freedom and grace and love and joy?

this...God..