actually, actually
i'dd like to run away now

oh my
what the..
what's going on with me todayyyy?
aishigo.
im trying hard to find the root of my frustration
fg was soooo frustrating, i felt so confused.
rocked, but not in the "God, You are so awesome, do it again" way
i feel lost.
wut da hail gid.
maybe it's "the boy"
there's a part of me that really...really wants to cave
but the bigger...probs smarter part of me still says "No, shut up stupid heart."

i feel vulnerable goshdarnit.
and...weird on top of that.
i do not like this feeling.
i do not like it at all.

as always,
more prayer is needed.

dear Jesus,
sometimes i wish that i didnt feel so much.

its really weird how all of a sudden i have this ridiculous urge to stop caring.
you know..like..
when you have so much to do..
but end up vegging and stressing out about how much you have to do?

yes that.
except...this is like with caring
about people and their feelings
about "doing well"..or doing my best.
about loving...people..things...etc..

i just kinda want to be selfish...or just run away.. and not feel cruddy about it.

don't hate me please.

oh God,
may Your love..
Your goodness..
Your greatness..
be so much bigger than my fears..
than the darkness
that seeks to overwhelm and consume me.

give me eyes oh God.
open my eyes to the bigness of Your salvation.

there is this weird urge
to let it end here.
mm good FG.
God is good.
now back to life.
ha.
no.
no.
fiiighhhtt.
disrupt again and again.
oya open your mouth.