on sin.

lately, its been getting clearer
why God can't deal with sin..
why even small things.
He won't just overlook.

and it's beautiful..

small sins..
thoughts..longings.
turn into things..
and the things turn into monsters
that devour our life
and all those around us..

sin cannot be where perfection is...
its not possible..

another somewhat related idea
has also been getting clearer
that because of Jesus's sacrifice..
we don't have to be perfect..
but have been made perfect
through our faith in Him..
meaning..
it's not on us to do good things
to be good people..
so that we can escape damnation..
it's been done..
and my response is key..
oh what a gift..
oh the deeeep freedom!

hi Jesus,
so ...i just don't know..
like i have no idea
and i feel like crying
...but i feel dumb about that too..

...its been gone for a while now..
but i still feel all kinds of crazy.
ugh.

so please...
i'll be here..
because...i just can't.
i can't.

commufunk

i suspect that this is just a season..
another winter that will pass
atleast...that's the hope

who knew angsting about it
could lead to hope?
i love this place..
i know i do..
but right now..
everything inside is throwing a tantrum.

everything falls..
everything does..
it does..
but this
the Source of the stream
that tinkles inside my heart
i know He doesn't
He can't
it's not possible.

i'll wait.
and i will find you here...
even here.

"Hope" is the thing with feathers—
That perches in the soul—
And sings the tune without the words—
And never stops—at all—

And sweetest—in the Gale—is heard—
And sore must be the storm—
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm—

I've heard it in the chillest land—
And on the strangest Sea—
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb—of Me. 

-Emily Dickinson

i think ive stopped caring..
even more there's this desire
to rebel.

ugh.
stahpit.
ive probably already gone too far
i feel bad..
but not really...

i think im just acting out
...like a spoiled brat
who feels wronged..
just another expression of brokenness

ugh.
stahpit.

something else from tonight..
i don't think it to be a demand
more of a plea...
You can't just be in the places
where i run away to hide..
and not just in cincinnati either..
You have to be here too..
i have to find You here..
i will seek You here..

dribbles.

just had a thought.
ill-formed at best..
but in hopes that twas God-given:

while looking through job profiles
i wondered if i should just avoid
all positions that dealt with controversial topics..
namely sex and sexuality..
for fear of dichotomy
a sharp divide between work and disciple..

but then i wondered
what if we all cowered away..
what if we just stuck to the jobs
that were easy and didn't conflict
...or didnt have the possibility to be messy?

..haven't we....haven't i.. more faith than that?
i really don't know what this looks like in practice..
[emphasis on the "ill-formed at best"]
but i think You wouldn't have cowered..

something a special sister once said
rings in my heart..
"...more believers are needed in public health"
mm

"“The Church needs artists because without art we cannot reach the world. The simple fact is that the imagination ‘gets you,’ even when your reason is completely against the idea of God. ‘Imagination communicates,’ as Arthur Danto says, ‘indefinable but inescapable truth.’ Those who read a book or listen to music expose themselves to that inescapable truth. There is a sort of schizophrenia that occurs if you are listening to Bach and you hear the glory of God and yet your mind says there is no God and there is no meaning. You are committed to believing nothing means anything and yet the music comes in and takes you over with your imagination. When you listen to great music, you can’t believe life is meaningless. Your heart knows what your mind is denying. We need Christian artists because we are never going to reach the world without great Christian art to go with great Christian talk.”
- Timothy Keller

yesss.
it has happened many a times
that i've experienced an overflow
of the love and character of Christ
in a song
or a dance
or a piece of prose
that calls me to wonder and worship Him
many a times i find later
that the authors of such pieces are disciples of Christ
and even more than before
my heart is overwhelmed with joy and worship
sometimes, such  is not the case
[shrug]
but our God uses who and what He will
to show us what is truly good
..to show us His glory..

mm

"I know you" - bellarive

Dry your eyes
I see you
Come inside the doorway
Don't you hide, My child
Place your hand in Mine

I know, I know you
I know you know I love you
I know, I know you
My grace invites you
Home

Life nor death will keep you
You don't have to fear
Nothing comes between us
In the end you're Mine
You'll be just fine
You're Mine
In the end you're Mine

I know, I know you
I know you know I love you
I know, I know you
(You know me, yes, You know me)
My grace invites you
(Your grace, it invites me)