everything falls,
everything falls.

slf-rflctn

jealousy feels...nasty.

but sometimes...most times..
i long for something soft..
..and warm..
like sweet summer rains..
something organic and filling..
refreshing...and familiar..

am i lacking?

"you act like an outcast in your own home"

im trying to figure out why the accusation..
why any accusation...assumption..
makes me want to tear his eyes out
until he realizes how little he really knows about me..

how little he's really willing to understand about me.

hm
but...i was happy when he acted younger..
when i was able to be the older sister..
damn.
so its just that i feel disrespected...isn't it.
but i wonder..
does that mean that i have pride issues..
or...that he's just a disrespectful asshole..

actually i think i just wanted to call him an asshole there..
maybe its somewhere in between
maybe we both have something to work on..

but i feel like the feeling is one-sided..
maybe that one side is the one i should worry about...
sigh.

summer bucket listing...

i only have 3....
but i wanted to note them.

i. spend hours at loth.
ii. stone mountain trail.
iii. visit novelty shop in dd.

i had a plan, i did...
and it wasn't too complicated...
or out of the ordinary..
or terribly expensive..
but..
odd enough..
completely unexpected..
things got expensive..
time-consuming
smelly..and burdensome..

oi livelihood.

preach Psalms.

sigh.
preach.

class.sass.bass.mass.class

still praying about this..
but it's kind of hard to fight the feelings..

snubbed..
and snubbed again..

...shrug.
i think i've come to accept it..

but acceptance and bitterness..
are muddled..hard to distinguish..
i can feel the hurt in my heart..
but the nonchalance for my health..

mm will continue praying for my heart.
but for now...
nonchalance and acceptance will do..
shrug..

THIS.

http://londonpyo.wordpress.com/2011/04/07/tim-keller-following-the-thread/

"But you did not look to him who did it, or see him who planned it long ago."

Isaiah 22:11b

wow. that's it?
is that all You've wanted all along?

thank God for family group
praise the Lord for community..

i can hear a little tinkle in my heart
whispering ..
"tread carefully"

my dear...
what are you looking for?
what does your heart desire?

i remember thinking to myself..
when i was in the pit of all pits..
that what i desire..
what i want most of all.
is someone to love me for no good reason..
ha..

don't you already have that?
silly girl..

mm
odd how there's light..
in the grey areas..

sn: i LOVE thebrightlife...

i am nigerian..
i am..
and i can't undo it..or deny it..
and i wouldn't dare..
but..
would you ask me to?
if so...then no.
and thats OK.

grey areas..
who knew?

You knew..im sure..