thank God for the book of Psalms..

Psalm 25:16-21

English Standard Version (ESV)

¹⁶ Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    for I am lonely and afflicted.
¹⁷ The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
    bring me out of my distresses.
¹⁸ Consider my affliction and my trouble,
    and forgive all my sins.

¹⁹ Consider how many are my foes,
    and with what violent hatred they hate me.
²⁰ Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me!
    Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
²¹ May integrity and uprightness preserve me,
    for I wait for you.

i feel you, David, i feels.
i think i gave up fighting..
but the fight hit me in the face
..or rather sat on my chest
early this morning

weird how the message was repeated..
muddled
...thats it..
like how the clouds covered the moon..
like im fading..
slipping away..
but to where?
i cant rely...cant trust..
but...must?
but...shouldn't..
sigh
it,they,there can't be my hiding place..
in the best, only part is satisfied..
but the whole still remains..
like an addiction..
dependence cries for more..
more it cannot give.

but maybe the reaction is wrong.
run when i should stand..
hide when i should fight.
You provide the strength, right?
and the armor..
and the protection..
and the victory...right?

where to start?
what now?