ball

of feelings.
of...hormones...
of confusion and frustration.
i dunno what's going on with me.
its like some of the old poop is resurfacing
and im so confused about what You're trying to say to me.
but.
something tells me i can come to you with this..
even this.

don't tell me how to follow Jesus,
just leave me alone.
drowning.
pride and disgust.
but.
tis the truth.
AH

just..leave me alone.
let me look for myself..
...because im not sure if i can believe you.
distrust?
not...exactly.

maybe, maybe.
there are still wounds.
festering..deep...but ignored.

its like i can see the tar erupting from my heart.
sticky...slippery..staining...
messy.
disgusting.
sigh..
this again?
time to spend time.

Run.