fireproof

i was pretty nervous about watching the movie
but figured it wouldnt be as bad, just because im better at handling awkward by myself..

the parallel was impeccable..
with one obvious and blaring exception..

eh.

but that wasn't the ending point..
nor the biggest take-away

i think i got a glimpse of the way that He pursues us..
its crazy to think that the One who owns it all
the One who created it all...created me and my heart..
still pursues...still loves
not only when im passive and just ignoring..
but even when i was totally against Him..
completely at war with Him..
when i kept rejecting Him..
He still pursued and pursues...with love..

you think that'd be enough.
right now..it is..
to turn back to Him
not in response to anything that i've done
but in response to His love and sacrifice.

i give in to the chase
if You can love me then..
what choice do i have?

consistency.
remember.
renewal.

furthermore
when i feel nothing
when it almost hurts to continue
when i feel as though im receiving nothing in this
i promise, to continue
to lean on You and rely on Your strength..

..oh wait..
i'll try?
no.
i promise. as long as You're with me.

Romans 5:8 - “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

my brother just called me pathetic.
its time to go back, now.
forget dealing with anything.

numb.

very...dangerously close to giving up
on everything...earlier..

but its like this little tinkling stream
bubbles up and overflows inside me..
its tiny, no doubt..
i have to remind myself that it's there..

but when im in my darkest..
most hopeless..
it whispers Life and Hope
sometimes im not sure if it understands..

but times like these i know...
it speaks Truth..

so though tinkling..
whispering...so very small..
i'll hold on to it..to this..
hope that all is not in vain..
that You still have more in store
for my life..
in Your plan..
for Your glory..
to my joy..

something's..

in the water...i feel it..
can sense the tides..

time to nip it in the bud.
the past will not repeat itself.

i like..
you best when you are unfiltered.
when your words are not packaged into a pretty little box with a bow..

i like when you say things that i don't expect..
when you say things that tell me that you're being honest..
not in a distasteful or disrespectful way..

but in a way that reminds me that you too are human.