a new opportunity

to examine who i am and remember..
to silence my distracting emotions
and learn to trust..once again..

today started off kind of awesome. my faith was reaffirmed in powerful and touching ways. im thankful..
midday was swell with park picnic and cuppiecakes.
however, the evening brought..interesting occurences..
collision, plans disrupted, selfishness, disappointment..
and then the hang-over returns
darkness falls as the heaviness sets in..
inadequacy and selfishness rise..with a side of guilt.
i hoped escape would help to heal..
but the wound remains..
only One can heal..can restore..

i need You now.

sobered.

..sigh...
my heart keeps playing cruel, cruel games on me.
well, im sobered and the hang-over is killer..
more painful than i expected..
but sobered none the less..
its funny how i sort of suspected..
but when those butterflies in my tummy start flying..
my better judgment is given the corner to inhabit..
and ignored..
she festers a bit...
and returns now full bloom
"wow tomi, you're real stupid to have hoped..."
i know she doesn't mean it...i don't think..

lesson learned?
i doubt it..
im sure those butterflies will start up again..
and my heart will start playing games..
but..this time...my better judgment will have a voice..
and silence my heart beat...gently..
but for now..
getting rid of the hang-over..
or rather suppressing it..
might have to do..

onward.
a new opportunity..

i've been maaad distracted.

pray for me please.