the drive home

..before i knew it..
the sky grew darker
and the clouds set in..
the air, wet with tension..

my singing stopped
as my heart sank
and i realized that things were changing

fast...
faster than i thought..
than i imagined

nothing would remain the same

as day turned quickly to night
as my drive home soon ended
a flash of bright..but serene pink
and I'm reminded that
"Hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul"
Hope..

home now in wait
of the rain..
the rain that brings change..
life change..
but not destruction..
peace.

-with love from the heart of tomisaurus

rant.

wow..
way to show your maturity.
im NOT stupid
its funny that the times that God gives us to show love,
His love
we saunter on by..poo all over it..

and then wonder why we're called holy rollers
hypocrites..
fakes..

checkmate.
you've proven me right.
congrats.

AMI

So...AMI Rev. is over...
yea im going to be selfish and talk about myself first..

hmm..
i guess i feel as though i didnt receive what i expected to..
im left with a sense of
staleness...hollowness...emptiness..
whats wrong with me?


hm..perhaps my intentions were skewed..
wrong even..
perhaps my heart wasnt in the right place..

runaway..

i guess i feel as though i failed?
not only spiritually, but physically..

forgotten..

i have alot on my mind
and
even more on my heart..

even though i feel like this weekend was a fail on my part...God never fails..

with all the sessions...with all the seminars
He's equipped me with the tools to further implore and explore his Grace and Love
and for that reason...im thankful..and excited..

i can honestly say that i have a desire to seek His face and His presence
and how to understand how REAL it is in my life..

prayer...

enough about me..

Susie <3
oi i love that girl..
she's been such a blessing in my life thus far..
living proof of the power of God's love and grace..
she gave her life this weekend..
:]
pause..

beauty in such simplicity..

my heart.

its funny how live brings people together...
and splits people apart..

reminiscing on Freshman year..
on how simple and new and fun everything seemed..
on the people that i thought i'd spend the next 4 years closest to..
on my acidwash skinny jeans

i look back on those times and think...
gosh...i miss it..
ignorance is bliss no doubt..

now i look at who i've become
what i know now..
what i understand..
what i've been through..

there's still a couple of things that i would change..
but where i'm at now..this moment..
and all the pain this past year...that led up to it..
has/had so much purpose..

God has a way of leading us through pain and struggle straight to Him..
this year is one of those cases..
learning about Love, and Grace...was worth it all..
and im still learning..

"but because of Grace, because of Your Mercy..I stand here unashamed.."

kisses for youu [muahhz!]
-tomisaurus

times like these..

sometimes i feel forgotten..
most times i feel out of place..
i feel inadequate all the time..

these times.
times like these
.. are unfortunate

but THEN..

there are times i feel happy..
times i feel at peace..
times i feel loved..

times like these..
these GOOD times..
are what make all this called life
worth living.

i digress
kisses for yooouu [muahz!]
-tomisaurus

you know...sometimes i wish i were pretty.

vent-age

hate.
that's it right there...i HATE this situation
sometimes...sometimes...i despise them both..
sometimes one...sometimes the other..
i HATE thinking about it.
but it exists..all around..
it keeps showing itself...
in phone calls...mealtimes..outings...
even in prayer..and praise and worship

i cant run away
but oh...
oh how i try..

"it shouldnt/doesnt affect you guys"
poppycock.

it destroyed...flattened everything i thought i knew about...
everything..

i HATE this.
inconsiderate.
stupid.
hypocritical.
annoying.
ugly....that's it..

i HATE this UGLY situation.
goodnight.

today..
right now even, I've been revisiting some old Hillsong albums..
stuff from the 90's..
it brings me back to when life was simpler...

we still lived in that little townhouse in College Park, GA
...back then there were only 5 of us..
we attended The Body of Christ Christian Church..
i attended Community Christian Academy..my best friend was Roger..
...gosh life was just so..simple and light..encased with love..
oh how i long to return...

i can see why we tend to dwell on the past...

when the lights turn off..
and the music fades..
will you still be there?

reunion

to be reunited with Love...
pure Love...
true Love..
is to have peace..
peace that passes all understanding

obviously....im FAR from ready...

bed time

checklist..
yea i have one..

1. dirty mouth? clean it up :]
2. find roger
3. pajama pants are for squares...
4. mike isberto + melissa polinar [on repeat]
5. nightlight
6. prayer

just thought i'd share.
had an interview today...for a jooob
pray that i get it pleasepleaseplease

i go now.
kisses for youuu! [muaahhz!]
roger sends kisses too.. :]
-tomisaurus

Acts...

9
im led to think back on a sermon preached not about Saul's transformation to Paul, but on Ananias and his obedience..Ananias had to trust God's judgment and will completely...trust that im sure went contrary his human reasoning...
am i that obedient?
another thing that struck me is God's ability to change and use ANYONE...and we as God's children are called to love and accept all...those who call upon His name and those who do not..
but for those of us called by grace and faith to be apart of the body...are we ready to accept...ANYONE...despite past mistakes or actions?
consider Paul...he was notorious for persecuting Christians and yet...however when he turned to Christ...and began to declare the gospel..he was accepted...to an extent
by those he was accepted by...he became a brother and they did their best to protect and care for him..
are we doing the same?
idk..honestly i feel as though we think we are accepting...non-judgmental..but our actions and attitudes show otherwise..
would we love and take care of the former murderer as we would our other brothers and sisters in Christ..
we all fall short dont we? we're all leveled before the cross..sin is sin..
i think im struggling with this..no..
i know i am..especially when it comes to those closest to me..
Mark 6:4 syndrome no doubt..

sometimes i feel as though this way of life...is too hard...too much to live up to...so much to change...so much to be cognizant of..

wow...listen to me...
"we're all leveled at the cross"...right? but why?
because of Amazing Grace..only by grace...grace and faith are we saved..
that's it.
not by works.
i remember one thing that Juheon said during fg..."there's nothing you can do to make God love you more and nothing you can do to make God love you less"
He loves us regardless..
i'll end there..
something to ponder on..

kisses for yooouuu [muahz!]
-tomisaurus