been a while eh?

Well, its been a while my love..
Did ya miss me? hm?
Alot has happened...like ALOT. ALOT.
First semester has gone...sort of a blurr. I was depressed alot. I lost faith. I didn't care.
Well, no, that's not completely true....I was really depressed all of the time though..I felt alone...like I was losing my bestfriend...I still sort of feel that way..mm...crybaby..geesh.
I'd rather not dweel on last semester. This semester..oh this semester.
Its like everything has been flipped upside down..lets break this down eh?

1. School...like the grades and classes part
-> I think I'm failing Chemistry.. :(
I failed the 1st test. I've never failed the first test...maybe the 2nd or 3rd...but golly.
-> Bio is sucking too.
BOO! It's getting sort of interesting though..I'm not failing...which makes me feel like alot better than I do about Chem..
-> My other 2 classes are just dandy...although I'm not crazy about this 20pg paper that I'm not writing right now..

2. Social...
Oh where to begin. Play. I love my Play. I miss my Play. [point blank period] People keep telling me that we'll no longer be bestfriends, after the process. I saw it happening right in front of me...that was part of the reason of my depression 1st semester..gah I'm so needy. I felt as though I was giving and sacrificing so much, without it being noticed or appreciated. My heart's still a bit unsteady about it. Now that she's basically gone, I've had time to think about things..like who am I?..moving along..I made a new friend. His name is Joel...Frankie calls him "The Situation." BAHAHAHAHA! He's nicey nice and sort of gorgeous. We are friends and that is all. :) JCA [more about that later]..made new friends...I'm sorry did I say friends, they're honestly more like family. I'll create an entire post about that later... :D

3. Who am I? [Really?]

This has honestly been bothering me for the better part of the year. Do I act a certain way around certain people? How do I act when I'm alone, by myself? I wonder sometimes, if I'm just like a collection of my closest friends' habits and mannerisms...is anything genuinely me?...Got more thinking to do..if only time allowed..perhaps I should stay to myself for the next couple of days.

Thank God for Francisca, thank God for JCA.
I love JCA. I'm learning that God has a way of making things work out in ways that we could never imagine. Oh, how He loves us. I don't even know where to start.
1st time at JCA, twas like a breath of fresh air...I left with a yearning heart, a heart that was in need of a touch from the Father...and that He did. Oh, how He loves us...how He loves me...even me. Oh and it doesn't end there. He's started to work on me, show me things about myself that I've seen and ignored and even things that I didnt see before...He's changing me..not with force, no...with His love. Just now, right then...I think I felt it, sort of understood it, just how much He loves us...how much He loves me..He has the best in mind for me and He wants to use me...little ol' me..I know I'm being just a tad repetitive, but OH, How He looooves us...me...EVEN me...To just think that He knows me...everything about me, everything I've ever done...everything I've ever thought about...the deepest depths of my hearts...He knows my intentions...my secrets...he knows it all and yet, He loves me, He laid down His life for me, He's patient with me, He wants only the best for me..What can I do but to love Him, and live my life for Him?...to tell everyone about Him...and about His love? After all He has the perfect plan for my life...a plan that quite honestly, I have no idea about right now...all I know is that in His perfect time, He will reveal these things to me... I'm learning to give my life up...its not MY life...I surrender all...Thats another thing..I can surrender...ALL of my life...not just my talents and my happiness, but also my shame, my sorrow, my past, my worries, my burden, my sin....I can give it all up...and He will take it...ALL of it..OH...HOW HE LOOOOOVES US...How He loves me... EVEN...me..[I just thank you Heavenly Father...my Poppa...]
...My heart...she yearns...for more of Him...to experience, to dwell in His perfect Love and Grace...in His presence...at all times...There's NOWHERE I'd rather be..
Peace...that passes understand...I love Him...my Jesus, my Poppa, my Lord and Savior...my All in All...I love Him...and guess what!
..He love me...He always has...

well...I should study.
toodaloo..
kisses for you! [muahz!]