oh guard this fickle...weak heart of mine.

...every time i remember
...i want to slam my face against a wall..

haha
that sounds alot more serious here than it did in my head..

flight.

is it weird that this song makes me feel like a superhero?

well maybe not the whole song, but moreso the chorus...
in the moments when i feel the most immobile..
its awesome to remember that the movers and shakers of this world are nothing short of regular people who did something.

idk..there's hope in that.
hope in knowing that we're called to be more than onlookers
more than just watching the rest touch the stars and rock this world..
even moreso in Faith we're called to go out there and put His love in action..
and what do you know His love...changes the world.
there's gotta be a reason that im this age at this moment in history..
i'll never be younger. and my next moment's not promised.

"tonight, we are young. so let's set this world on fire, we can burn brighter than the sun."

i remember reading on someone's profile or in one of their pictures or during one of my tumblr stalking journeys a quote by Francis Chan, that i hold to be truth : "Do you know that nothing you do in this life will ever matter, unless its about loving God and loving the people He has made..."

haha i remember saying that instead of wanting to be a dreamer, i wanted to be an actioner.

sounds corny, but:
 it. is. time.

seems as though..

i have 3 choices in this situation:

get upset and angry that things aren't going my way. blaming all else for my misfortune.
be depressed that it keeps coming back to haunt me. blaming myself into a dark, dark hole.
or, pray, accept and let go, trust. accepting responsibility but moving forward in hope and with Faith.

sigh. Matt 6:27
oh life, what a dance...what a dance

crumbling start

sometimes i feel alone..
in a house full of people i feel alone
and trapped.

then sometimes..
i feel as though my support system is unshakable
i feel so secure and loved.

i realized that i have no idea what im doing
i don't know how to do life
at service, during worship..
i wished i could just crumble to the floor in His presence
and feel Him pick me back up again..
and show me how to change..
because ive come to a point
where i know...that i don't know

i feel so small.

fireproof

i was pretty nervous about watching the movie
but figured it wouldnt be as bad, just because im better at handling awkward by myself..

the parallel was impeccable..
with one obvious and blaring exception..

eh.

but that wasn't the ending point..
nor the biggest take-away

i think i got a glimpse of the way that He pursues us..
its crazy to think that the One who owns it all
the One who created it all...created me and my heart..
still pursues...still loves
not only when im passive and just ignoring..
but even when i was totally against Him..
completely at war with Him..
when i kept rejecting Him..
He still pursued and pursues...with love..

you think that'd be enough.
right now..it is..
to turn back to Him
not in response to anything that i've done
but in response to His love and sacrifice.

i give in to the chase
if You can love me then..
what choice do i have?

consistency.
remember.
renewal.

furthermore
when i feel nothing
when it almost hurts to continue
when i feel as though im receiving nothing in this
i promise, to continue
to lean on You and rely on Your strength..

..oh wait..
i'll try?
no.
i promise. as long as You're with me.

Romans 5:8 - “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

my brother just called me pathetic.
its time to go back, now.
forget dealing with anything.

numb.