ive written before about the deep connection between music and my lived experience of this reality----and others.
lol i sound really mystical there, haha, but i think it expresses my point.
i attach music to joyful events
to sorrow
to life stages
to embarrassment and failure..

as a result
i have my fallback of playlists
to accompany each of these seasons
furthermore...
songs that i dare not listen to,
lest i relive an experience or event

i found this to be painfully true
and....sad, to be honest
to give up music i loved...or still love
because of some painful or uncomfortable experience..

this gives sooo much power to the experience
to those moments
to that person
to that event..

power that's really undeserved
and unwarranted

no. no longer.
for freedom i was set free.
for freedom.
i think that freedom means this too...
freedom to feel emotions...to feel pain
but not be bound by these things

so no.
sure, it's gonna sting a little bit tomes..
sure, you'll wince and cringe at the memory
but, you are free.
....and free to overcome
and move on
and learn
and grown
you are free.

[insert eye roll]

literally every time.
so bloody distracting

but he aint everything
and he can't be...as much as i think i'd want him to be.

sigh..but so distracting
so bloody distracting.