tears for fears

i feel quite clever about this title

but cleverness aside..couldnt have been truer tonight

im embarrassed now by how far i let it go

but grateful to be home safe and sane

uncertainty is a fear.

fear that no matter how careful

how calculated ...

everything conceivable

can still go wrong

and end in disaster

fear that im in control

and at the same time

that i haven't any control

wasting time is fear.

fear that the life that He gave

was wasted on the unnecessary

that more coulda, shoulda, been done

leaving just heartbreak

and empty space.

and the physical ache to accompany it.

a thought came during the 

conversation on the ride home

maybe the point in finding this uncertainty

and not wanting to waste time

is not to fear death

but to live life

live everyday like its the last

not to be paralyzed by the fear of the uncertainty

but to take each breath

and each day 

given with grace

and live every moment

like eternity is waiting.

to live everyday as if you know its your last.

i feel like i just said the exact same thing

like four times.

but that's okay

i see

and feel even deeper

You'll take care

and i'll give in.

help me when i forget, please.

because i will forget

and perhaps even fear again.