farewell, almost

i already feel mad childish for even entertaining this.

alas i shall...for i believe the situation to be deserving..

today was the end

and before the close

an interest was sparked

and exchange commenced

but alas...today was the end

and there's no longer a reason to see..

i mustnt dwell..

for the possibility of another encounter 

is nil.

so this is my letter to you, almost

farewell to you, dear one..

so close, yet so far

just friends would have sufficed

alas, that's no longer an option

because the end has come

and that's okay..

so farewell to you, dear one

farewell to you almost,

farewell.

tinklings.

recently:
there was a sweet moment within the past week or so when i remembered what drew me to jca..
there is an earnest heart that i had once forgotten
a deep and apparent belief that the Truth is true..
that relationship is possible and much more...desired..
that You are alive..

furthermore that i wanted You to be alive to me too
that for me too, Truth would be true..
and here i am again.
remind me again...sweep all pretense away
and burn it in Your flames..
and let life spring up from the ashes
a new start and renewed love.

basically: 
"He speaks to my desperate need for self-justification. All day long, I’m justifying myself to prove I’m worthy. I am making myself better than others and comparing my weakness to someone who is weaker than me. I am in a moral race that causes me to laugh at a celebrity’s downfall or to help the poor to look righteous. Jesus destroyed this in the cross by calling us all equally guilty and all equally loved. It was never in us to justify ourselves, but only Jesus can do this."

- J.S. Park [http://jsparkblog.com/2014/04/16/why-do-you-believe-in-jesus/]

and for a sweet moment..
the raging ceased..
and my eyes and ears could sense.
i could love
and i could understand.