a thought came to mind:
tomi, would you? again?

i remembered..
regardless:
again and again and again, i would.

i realized as i drove home..
that my issue was not really with them..
i worry...that they would not have me
...that i would be denied...
sigh.

"It’s unloving for me to notice something harmful in your life, but to ignore it like it’s not there. Why would I let someone I love continue to live in a destructive manner? If I love you, I’ll tell you the truth even when it hurts. But it must be based on God’s standard, not my own. And I have to do it from a humble posture that recognizes I need the same grace you do."
-Trip Lee

mm.

...i think i feel as though...
something's missing..
but what exactly..
there's some hole...and things are leaking out.
sigh.

the thought enters my head quite unexpectedly actually...
what if He's not entirely displeased with my enjoyment of reading this book?
what if this, too, i can do with Him...
i don't know..
i fear i may be making excuses ..
or worse justifying my consumption..

it's a nice thought it is,
so i'll ask, i suppose.
how sweet it feels...to be able to ask.

shall this til death be my struggle?
i know what is good and true..
but it hurts so bad right now,
and i feel so small.

i hate this feeling.

and now we move on:
there's homework to be done.

thoughts..

that have been swimming around recently..

- i think He wants me to slow down and keep offering certain things to Him..instead of jumping at the first inkling of conviction..to wait..

- and he'll one day marry a beautiful cultured korean girl, with a taste for good food and an eye for beauty...she'll love Jesus and have a wonderful sense of humor, so you can't help but adore her too...so shush dat.

- i'm kinda like the overbearing...wet-blanket mother, and you're the fun, cool dad that everyone wants to be around...[shrug]

- odd how a death can give so much hope in life...for more life..

- and there's a deep beauty in that Hope and Light can still be found, and more tangibly so, in the deepest trenches and darkest nights..what a wonderful God.