can life erupt from brokenness on it's own?
can brokenness breed life?

oh i am prideful.
but i am also broken..
a deep broken.
i have made so many mistakes.
i've made myself a fool for such a cause.
a cause that could never be fulfilled that way..

so then what?
what now?

i am an attention-whore..
and my heart and flesh will satisfy its desire..
whichever way...with whomever..
but they shan't be satisfied..
for people are broken and spells wear off..

i am ashamed.
for in all my knowledge of You..
in all the ways that you've grown me..
i still dance for monopoly money..
pouring all out for what cannot be..
for what will never...wholly satisfy..
i know this...
i know this..
but still i dance.

alas i am tired..
and broken..
and the guilt and shame sit heavy on my face..
my first response?
run, run, ruuunnn..
they cannot hear..they will be aghast...
disappointed..
isolation..separation...
for it's too much...
through some manifestation be slowly quenched..
the root still remains...just as deep ..
still fed..
sigh.

when things are like this..
there is still some small tinkling stream..
deep deep down..
that reminds me..
and i cannot forget fully..
the extent and the depth...
because You gave it to me..
and it cannot be snatched.

but here i am..i look around
and i'm not sure where i am.
i repent, for i have been prideful.
i have forgotten my place..
my depravity..
rather not forgotten...but celebrated..
but You desire more..
You have more..
You've called me to more..