don't think im being difficult..
because im not trying to be..

yesterday, new year's eve.
i was thinking..
time is such an abstract concept...
i thought about new year's day..
what it symbolizes..
but moreso what i would be doing on that day..
im working today.
not too much different from what i did yesterday

then i thought..
what if time is standing still
and we're the one's that are passing...
its not as if time is pulling us forward..
making us older?
making things due..

in a way..we've set those parameters
well...maybe not the getting old part..

weird
i can't wait to see time the way God sees it..
i wonder if He sees us sometimes going cray over time
and thinks...and chuckles to Himself "silly humans...if only you knew"
meh

im starting to get anxious about grad school apps...
my official gre scores came in..
man..
humbled...so hard.
sigh.
i don't know what it means yet to surrrender this.
spent a good chunk of pt agonizing over this.
sigh.

ive also been thinking a lot about dating
and marraige
and babies..
im starting to wonder why i desire these so much
what compels me to think that  they'll satisfy me?

thirst..
really want/need water.
go for the juice..soda...
create more thirst.

something's off.
hm