:/
its weird having this desire to renege on dub reds
but i know perseverance is best.
sigh

there is, all of a sudden..
this odd, but peaceful desire to be "ok" with myself..
instead of trying to "out-cool" her
or "out-hip" him
or "out-fun" them..
i kinda want to try being...and liking..me

hm

frustr

im not ready.
dang it.
i thought i was..
but im doubting that now..

atleast for summer..
dub reds.
meaning: no thinking, no wondering...nothing.

oh God..help me not to be jaded.
and count myself out before anything even begins.

hurricane

"and if destruction's what i need..
then i'll receive it Lord from thee,
yes, i'll receive it Lord from thee"


disrupt.

gurgles

butterflies..
fade then glow.
glances and smiles.

tummy drops..
i wonder if..
sometimes maybe..
am i obvious?

rushrushrush
crumbles

splurts of Life
like air and wind and breath
like a sigh
reminder.
overwhelmed by the Great One.
who can compare?

but.
where are you heart?
where are you treasure?
day after day.
do i? do i?
hmph
in love with the idea..
not with the Being.
truth and sorrow

cravecravecrave
but little action..

Living Water..
desire
fountain..
to be a spring
but
muddled in earthly desire
obsession in present satisfaction
indifference to the eternal.

head knowledge
heart of stone.

movemovemove
stuck: memories, dreams, fantasies

beat. BEAT. imperative.
BEAT with passion.
that starts in the center
and reaches every fingertip
warm breath..
evidence of Life
growth.

BEAT again.
and again.
and again.
.....

needneedneed

"turn your face to me
  turn your face to me
  turn your face to me
  turn your face to me"

...might be the most encouraging words ive heard all night..