crushed

crumbling crumbling
sigh
its as if i cannot breath..
for whether i inhale or exhale
mistake and failure is at its heels..

"is the Gospel good news to you, Tomi?"
i hesitated.
but, i know it is...
after all...what better news could there be
than that in my depravity, i'm loved
that there's hope that my depravity isn't an eternal condition
one day, those who believe, will be clean and pure
that the whole world will be new and perfect once again..
that there is freedom..
but i know this in my head..
but my heart struggles to believe fully...
to remember
to trust

broken..
all around i see desolation ..
dryness
brick walls..
cracks and blood from my fists
pounding, pounding
more hurt...more weakness
i sit now in the corner
not wanting to try..
afraid i'll mess up again..
more blood, more pain..
darkness
alone with my thoughts
like razors chipping at my sanity
at my heart..
eyes but cannot see
Hope is masked as another reminder
another reminder that i am not good
that i cannot be good
that i am not right..
why do i feel so?
but You said You didnt come to condemn

why can't my little heart believe?
where are you faith?
get yourself together.

i look up now..
staring...obsessing with the Light..
for i know that it is the only hope for change..
nothing else will do....can do
so i'll wait...and i'll hope..
i'll wait and i'll hope...
i'll wait and i'll hope
obsessing,staring, drinking in Your Light..
in hopes that Salvation will come..