all along..
we're basically the same person..
except............

its detrimental..
the way i talk about this..
in my head,
in my heart..

Father, i can't see it..
they say it..
but i don't believe it..
...can't believe it..

can You help with this too?

but really though....
the tendencies,
reactions,
and actions of people..
of humans
are a blimey mystery.

sometimes i feel it futile to even try to understand..
to speculate and conclude..
to guess..
it all feels so bloody...useless.

yea, there are patterns...sort of..
...but we aren't equations.


as frustrating as it all feels..
its kind of ....exciting..

so. many. feels.

ugh.
man i hate the feels.
time to fight.

...but already?
reaaallyyyy?
now?

sigh.
can't i just bask?

what do You say about me?

if only my thoughts could write themselves.
if only words could dance out my heart and onto a page.
if only i were actually able to coherently express myself...in a timely manner.
arg.

a charge to gird up and press forward..
a conviction?...or perhaps just a possibility..
but burns in my heart and mind nonetheless..

and now..
but now..
unoffendable heart eh?
seek honesty and reconciliation eh?

pfft.

maybe tomorrow.

i just...i just..
i dunno..
but i do ...know..
but i don't wannaaaaa...

but i do..
maybe...
but.
UGH.

im actually sort of ridiculous.
...perhaps a little more than sort of..