buds.

so much has happened.
so much to process.

i intend to start from today..and go backwards.
...sorta.

but for today.
there seems to be something..fishy in the water..
on my end.
not foul..but..present none the less.
and its bothersome.
i don't want it..
...cuz in full bloom it wrecks.
so heart change is the prayer req.
i can't will myself out of ...."feelings"

dub.reds.

"..and its leaf does not wither.."

i actually feel slightly psychotic.
i've been getting really irritated lately..
not only do i get irritated,
but it's as if my threshold for tolerance/acceptance
has been drastically reduced..
in my mind and under my breath..
i snap, left and right..
and my outward response:
cool attitude and rigidity.
sigh.
i don't got what it takes.
so.
help me look to You.
trust that You..will equip me..
and be my Source.
cuz..
i can't muster up the will.
is this what You meant?

be thou exalted

"no great procession
or vain appeal..
...but my sincerity"

shift

in motives.
in desires.
in perspective.

theme: ⁶ Then he said to me, “This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts.
                                                                                                                                            -Zechariah 4:6

strumulum

so much peace.
so much trembling..
but in that trembling...peace.
release.

the bloody hell..
is that jealousy bubbling up?
oh dear...my stupid face.
and dumb, dumb heart.
haha...
dubredsdubredsdubreds.
whew.
bud nipped..
..i think..
oh barf.

cake batter.

so much to carry.
i'd like to run.
but.
i cannot.
should not.
im not sure of how i should feel
maybe im being selfish
maybe afraid....yea, moreso afraid
i don't wanna.
lists?
next step needed.