how foolish was i to have desired a "break"
in no way can the glimmers of this world fill the emptiness
the God-sized hole in my heart, my life...

nothing can substitute the love He gives..
can compare to knowing that He is mine and i am His...

the pleasures of this world are for but a moment..
a mere breath...so hollow and completely unlike and separate
from the fullness of His presence..

how foolish am i ...

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

United Pursuit Presents: Michael Ketterer from United Pursuit on Vimeo.

full on "man is our God awesome" fests are the best. when i start to forget how amazing He is...moments like these..talks like these help me remember..and spark something deep inside..

in every sense of the word...He's Beautiful.

indescribable

Source: Hubblesite.org

Psalm 8:3-4: 3."When I look at Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, 4. what is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?"

moreso...who do WE think WE are?

sitting here at my little cubicle at work...with this ridiculous smile plastered on my face..but trembling inside...to know that the God...not a god..THE God of the universe...the One who made all of that stuff hanging and spinning and bursting and glowing, up and out there..came to die. not only came to die, but came to die a shameful...wretched death..for you and me...for everyone of us, in a Love that i thought i understood...

seriously though..we are so small...so...fragile..we should be completely insignificant and inconsequential for such a big and glorious God..furthermore...worthless to such a God, who goes far above and beyond to extend His love...and meets rejection and pride and hate....but He keeps...extending and reaching and poking and pulling and waiting...

it makes me want to curse its so ridiculous.

see that picture.....that...thing is floating...somewhere out there...being all glorious and mysterious-like
....and He made that..

oh fickle heart..

shush, just stop.
why must you play these sinister games with my mind?

...shh

oh Jesus help me to see that my only life..
...that abundant life...
is in You...

motives.

on Saturday instead of encouragement...rebuke.
what were my motives?
what are my motives?
am i really doing this for You....or for my own gain?

a call to examine...to analyze...
my depth...my heart.
check-up.

but how?
how do you check yourself every minute of every day..
...without becoming legalistic..
or hopeless in sorrow?
or exhausted?
or prideful?
or judgmental?
....or a hypocrite?
hm

wwJd?

what are you trying to tell me?

i honestly just want to throw in the towel.
im beginning to think that its less of what im doing wrong..
and more of that...its me that's wrong..

maybe im not supposed to be doing this...
and this is God's way of showing me...

i dunno...
i...just..dont know what to do..